#StoryOfMyLife

(A personal blog in a long time. And have tried avoiding a Twitter influence on the blog, except the title.)

Never in the wildest of my dreams, I’d have imagined that I would be pursuing my PhD, and more importantly I’d be finishing it up while in my twenties. This was the state of mind, I was in a good 10 years back, with just a thought about joining a good engineering college and then plan for the future while in college. Isn’t that everyone’s (parents’) dream? Having joined the engineering college, I realized it was going to be four long years, and I had a lot of time to plan my future. But I was wrong. Before I realized, I was out of college, and I was on the flight to the US to pursue my graduate studies (Masters).

Not withstanding the pressure in graduate school, there were days in the first semester here, when I wanted to run back home, and just take up the ‘software engineer’ job, I had declined before getting to the US. There was soon a tide of change, and a pleasant phase in graduate school followed, after I got my PhD admit. This meant I was going to be in school without the outer world’s pressures for five more years. And as with anything, these 5 years passed by like a generation change in Ekta Kapoor’s serials, and of course with a change in looks, sans plastic surgery.

And here I am, almost ready to graduate, once I find a ‘suitable’ job, with the least idea of what I want in life next. On a professional front, it is probably an easier decision to make considering the economy and the demand (or lack of it), around. But, on a personal front, I am not too sure where I am headed.

Who on earth brought down the age for marriage for guys to early twenties? Is it the neighbor aunties/maamis or the marriage brokers, who had a loss of eligible single poor souls or business, following the sudden increase in the number of ‘love’ marriages? Or is it the insecurity of the single guys to get hitched earlier for whatever reason? And I’ve not been spared from this torture either. Or rather, my mom has not been spared of this. I pity the thought of her being accosted by maamis in the weddings she attends, with the maamis saying ‘the girl is in New Jersey, give me Viju’s number, let them get to know each other. And we can then see how it goes.’ Never in the wildest of my dreams, I’d want to get hitched this way (a blog on my ideal wedding, which will never take place, coming up soon). And I must truly appreciate the guts and the continued enthusiasm of the maamis in trying to help me settle down in my life. However, my mom uses the vajrasthram (some destructive weapon) ‘Viju is still jobless, has no clue about life and I feel he is too young for marriage. We are waiting for a couple more years.’ I love my mom for that. But, I am sure my mom will be having a secret thought of getting a daughter-in-law soon, and has a strategy planned for something soon after I ‘settle’ down professionally.

However, my reaction at this point of time, ‘Who cares? I need to graduate!!!! Thank you.’

What Women Want - A guy's perspective

(This Blog is an entry to the BlogAdda contest ‘What Women Want’ sponsored by Pringoo)

Mystic girl
Mystery girl

If there is a question that even the creator of mankind would be baffled, it is probably this very one, ‘What Women Want!’ This is probably going to be the toughest thought process that I’ve ever undergone and would probably undergo in a while. The output has not been quite as expected, since a friend of mine, a woman, herself told, women themselves are not sure of what they actually want.

And, I am going to be taking extreme caution in wording this post, because I definitely do not want to earn of the wrath of the fairer sex, for this expression of my thought! But, with the explicit frankness in my way of expression, I’ve ended up in awkward situations quite often, and I can expect it to happen now as well.

I have made good friends with a few women/girls that I’ve interacted with in my life and of course my mother and sister are an integral part of my life, and hence have personally noted a few key points. Professionally as well, since my PhD advisor is a woman, I have been able to observe carefully what Women want in professional life too. However, it is indeed going to be hard for me (or for any guy) to really answer this question. I’d treat this subject from various points of view, as in ‘What Women Want’ from different aspects in life, and ‘What Women Really Want’.

What a Woman wants from her career is independence and self-esteem. Clichéd it may sound, since this is true in the case of a man too, but it is indeed true that a Woman who is a working professional certainly on the path towards independence, especially in a gender-biased society (not anymore!) like ours. In trying to prove her merit to her peers and superiors, she probably wants to prove she is as good as any man who would do the job. What can be a little disturbing in these cases at times, is that, there might not be any competition from the opposite sex; but still there is a competitive spirit and a ‘feel of being important’ that exists within a woman just for her to show her worth.

What a Woman wants from her family and siblings is unconditional love and support. Again, in the gender-dominated Indian society, girl child was not preferred a few decades ago. The reason for this being, the belief in parents that the son is going to care for the parents in old age and the high costs associated with marrying a daughter off. These beliefs have been broken and are no longer valid in today’s scenario. All that a girl needs these days is supportive backing in the form of basic education and moral support while she evolves to be an educated woman. There have been instances, where so-called dependable sons have disowned parents, and many a time, a daughter has come to the rescue of the parents. This unconditional love and support has quite often helped a Woman realize her career goals.

And, as a mother, the contribution of a Woman to the lives of her children is immense. Writing about the role of a woman as a mother, might fill up this entire blog. I briefly mention it, even though I understand that motherhood is an important phase in a Woman’s life. What a Woman wants from motherhood is a worthy contribution to mankind, a daughter or a son who will make her proud in the years to come, and her living a fruitful one.

The toughest part is to answer what a Woman wants from her personal life, or more specifically her partner. This is probably a question, the answer for which is not known to most women themselves. In trying to reach out to extra-terrestrial men, whose species are not found on earth any more, Women end up leaving out or rather ignoring the worthy mortals who might be able to make their lives together an memorable one. The amount of expectation that a Woman has from a man, to even consider him as a friend, let alone a significant other is quite complex. (I will not deny that men have comparable amount of expectations, though!) A Woman probably looking at a secure future would want a partner who is well settled in life, and probably placed in a respectable position. With this, what they also expect is good looks, hospital manners, and someone who respects their views and thoughts. A good combination this might actually sound, is probably only attributed to Rama of Ayodhya, who existed centuries ago. Hence affected by the harsh reality in the nature of guys, a girl may settle down for a compromise either in looks or in profession, the former being more common and with a hope of transforming a Mr. Okay to a Mr. Right. Also, a Woman doesn’t want to be viewed as an object of lust or attraction. However, they do want to be noted as a beautiful Woman. This would probably be possible, if a Woman is dignified and graceful in looks and attire, as opposed to the contrary these days.

In a lighter vein, Women do not want the ‘safe’ guy as a boy friend, but as a husband yes! If a guy is to qualify a boy friend, the guy must not be boring and a Woman will be willing to accept a lot of compromises in profession, looks or views, as long as the guy knows how to keep her happy.

Finally, what a Woman wants of herself is a question which a woman herself might have trouble answering. However, it might seem that a woman would definitely appreciate the following: a caring family that is supportive, a loving guy to spend the rest of her life with, a respectable career position that does a justice to her potential, and above all a life that when looked back at, should not be a cause of any repentance.