In search of myself

(Impulsive post. I am sure I'll be embarrassed when I read it after a few days/weeks/years) :-)

We change. In many ways. We change as a friend, as a son/daughter, as a significant other and in many other ways. Whether the change is for good or not, is something that’s unknown. There’s this thing, I miss the old me. How this change occurred is something that’s unknown to me. Was it me, the place, the people, or life as such? I am unable to pinpoint at one thing.

It’s interesting how you can relate to a song, especially with its lyrics, even though the meaning of the lyrics and the reason for you to relate to it needn’t necessarily have a connection or a common premise. I miss the old me, or rather an old part of me. And I don’t think I could have summarized it better than a few lines in this song. However narcissistic this might sound, considering the old me was a part of me, in fact my better half, is what I’ve come to believe. Running away from myself is something that’s probably happened.

thalaivaa sugama sugama? un thanimai sugama sugama?
How is your solitude doing?

sirumai kandu thavitthen en siragail ondrai muritthen, ottrai chiragil oona paravai etthanai dhooram parappen?
I ended up breaking one of my wings, and how far can I fly with just one wing?

anbae unnai veruththen, en arivai naane eriththen, uravin perumai pirivil kandu uyiril paadhi kuraindhen
I absolutely hated you and in the process burnt my intelligence, I realized the importance of relationships and lost half of my soul.

After all, vaazhkkai or vattam pol mudindha idatthil thodangadha, is surely what one wants, right? :-) (can life not start at an ending point like how a circle does?)

And nothing better than this to ask myself: Unn poigal ellaam sugamaa-aaa?  (Are your lies all fine?)

And does ‘Kuraigal ullathu manitha uravugal puriyadha?’ (aren’t human relationships allowed to be flawed?) answers it all. With respect to I, Me and Myself.

(These lines from Azhage Sugamaa and Anbe Sugamaa, two absolutely wonderful songs from the movie Paarthaale Paravasam. Sung by Sadhana Sargam and Srinivas and composed by A.R.Rahman)

The Priceless Red Liquid

Many a time, on Twitter, I’ve retweeted (RT-ed) that someone needs a specific group of blood in a particular city/hospital. While I am not aware of the difference, if any, that tweet might have made, it still gives me a hope that there’s someone somewhere donating blood to that patient. The fear of needles, thanks to a 4-day stint at a hospital as a teenager with non-stop drips, had prevented me from having thoughts of donating blood. Okay, you’re allowed to laugh if you want to. The (heartless) teenager that I was in college would ignore requests for blood donation at the hospital adjoining my engineering college.

During grad school at ASU, I’d regularly notice a United Blood Services truck on campus, seeking blood donation. Once, gathering some courage, I went to the volunteers only to be informed that I was ineligible to donate as an international student.

The move to the new city for a position at the hospital exposed me to frequent blood donation camps. The fear of needles still continued to haunt me. They haunted me to the extent that I refused to take a mandatory flu shot, till I was informed of dire consequences. (Okay, laugh some more!)

Yesterday, the American Red Cross was in the hospital for a blood donation camp. An enthusiastic me (I don’t know where he came from) inquired about the prospect of donating, and I was eligible to donate this time. Certain impulsive decisions never go wrong. This was such an instance. Barring the slight pain associated with the prick of a relatively large needle to draw blood, this is something I’d recommend everyone to experience in life. I am not too sure if I will continue donating regularly. But the thought of the donated blood being used to help a person, or even give him/her a new lease of life, makes me want to do so regularly. I hope I keep up with it.

And that said, too much of Greys Anatomy did no harm to anyone. I am sure @aishu_s will agree with that. :-)

Image Courtesy: http://www.yale.edu/redcross/img/blood%20drop.jpg

Of Distances...

I am sure everyone has had this moment in life. The ‘so near, yet so far’ one. As the cliched statement goes, ‘life’s uncertainties are indeed baffling, but that’s what life is all about.’ However, something that’s more annoying than the uncertainty is the fact that they are mostly controlled by others, and we let them do that. The only respite in this: I am not alone...

And, that light at the end of the tunnel should come with a caution: ‘Objects in front of you appear closer than they actually are,’ however with the exception of deadlines.




 







(Photo Courtesy: http://www.impactlab.net/2010/11/21/top-10-photos-of-the-week-155/)

Of hearts, the weak ones

Remember those childhood days when all it took to cheer you up was a long drive in Appa's car or a cycle ride along an unexplored path? The weak hearted me had one of those days today. Some aspects of life are definitely worth reliving. :-)

All it took...

It was a Friday afternoon. Teardrops rolled down her cheeks, with the two guys standing by her clueless on how to console her. What made the otherwise-joyous girl have this outburst? Was it a bad day? Probably! Like an undefeated king who is never used to a debacle, this bright student probably never had anyone reprimand her.

Tears continued to roll down her cheeks, as she began to mention the event that led to this. A silly issue, as it might seem, which this perfectionist girl thought was the end of the world, was just a routine issue faced by many, due to circumstances.

All it took to cheer her up, was listening to her sob tale, some cliched consoling words and a tiny piece of chocolate. Well, this was surely an easy task. This girl was easy to cheer up. But then why are women so unpredictable and tough to please?

#StoryOfMyLife

(A personal blog in a long time. And have tried avoiding a Twitter influence on the blog, except the title.)

Never in the wildest of my dreams, I’d have imagined that I would be pursuing my PhD, and more importantly I’d be finishing it up while in my twenties. This was the state of mind, I was in a good 10 years back, with just a thought about joining a good engineering college and then plan for the future while in college. Isn’t that everyone’s (parents’) dream? Having joined the engineering college, I realized it was going to be four long years, and I had a lot of time to plan my future. But I was wrong. Before I realized, I was out of college, and I was on the flight to the US to pursue my graduate studies (Masters).

Not withstanding the pressure in graduate school, there were days in the first semester here, when I wanted to run back home, and just take up the ‘software engineer’ job, I had declined before getting to the US. There was soon a tide of change, and a pleasant phase in graduate school followed, after I got my PhD admit. This meant I was going to be in school without the outer world’s pressures for five more years. And as with anything, these 5 years passed by like a generation change in Ekta Kapoor’s serials, and of course with a change in looks, sans plastic surgery.

And here I am, almost ready to graduate, once I find a ‘suitable’ job, with the least idea of what I want in life next. On a professional front, it is probably an easier decision to make considering the economy and the demand (or lack of it), around. But, on a personal front, I am not too sure where I am headed.

Who on earth brought down the age for marriage for guys to early twenties? Is it the neighbor aunties/maamis or the marriage brokers, who had a loss of eligible single poor souls or business, following the sudden increase in the number of ‘love’ marriages? Or is it the insecurity of the single guys to get hitched earlier for whatever reason? And I’ve not been spared from this torture either. Or rather, my mom has not been spared of this. I pity the thought of her being accosted by maamis in the weddings she attends, with the maamis saying ‘the girl is in New Jersey, give me Viju’s number, let them get to know each other. And we can then see how it goes.’ Never in the wildest of my dreams, I’d want to get hitched this way (a blog on my ideal wedding, which will never take place, coming up soon). And I must truly appreciate the guts and the continued enthusiasm of the maamis in trying to help me settle down in my life. However, my mom uses the vajrasthram (some destructive weapon) ‘Viju is still jobless, has no clue about life and I feel he is too young for marriage. We are waiting for a couple more years.’ I love my mom for that. But, I am sure my mom will be having a secret thought of getting a daughter-in-law soon, and has a strategy planned for something soon after I ‘settle’ down professionally.

However, my reaction at this point of time, ‘Who cares? I need to graduate!!!! Thank you.’

Ordered pairs

A pair of eyes to view the beautiful things in life,
A pair of hands to work on a few creative things in life,
A pair of ears to listen to the music of life.

What else would I have liked as a pair in my life?
Probably an identical twin along with me; well I'd be wishing for one, at least until I get my significant other.

Edit after a comment: And many other ordered pairs ave been deemed #indecent and hence do not find a place in the list. Thank you. :P

Life, people and relationships

Wrote this in a different state of mind - sounds a little stupid when I actually read it again - but here it goes!

Life sure teaches a lot of things. Failures always need not be the stepping stone to success. They can be a precaution to things that you might not want to land yourself in, a second time. Like 'once bitten, twice shy,' it is indeed hard for us to depend on someone or trust someone, if there is no one to actually help you in that when you need someone the most.

I am no expert in people psychology, but still can say that, most people in this world is self-centered and quite opportunistic. Gone are the days, when people who actually go out of their way to help people or make them feel good. A person who does this is probably one in thousand, and he better not expect such a help in return. Indeed, if he expects something, there is no bigger fool than him.

Not a great expert in love/romance either, but surely, for a relationship to work there needs to be mutual effort and interest, just more than attraction and feeling. Agreed that, you are attracted to a person and feel for the person, but that alone is not enough to sustain the relationship over time. (Having never been in a serious relationship, I might be wrong in saying so.) Just brought this topic up, since this sounds so hollow and that's probably the reason for many relationships breaking up and higher divorce rates. Just hope, people (including me) get to see a person beyond their looks and appearances.

Just feel that world can surely be a better place for all of us, if we are little more accommodating, helpful and don't expect much from others!

100th post

Apparently my 100th post on this blog (saw it after I wrote the blog!) - So dedicating it to just the number 100 :P

Mere thoughts...

No one really cares about one's success in life if his personal or professional life is not happy.

A stroke of good luck can revive someone's professional life. A stroke of bad luck can bring down someone to shambles. Usually it is hard work and some bit of that is attributed to one's success in professional life.

However, from my experiences, success in personal life is very different. Personal life need not just include the significant other or companion or spouse, it will also mean one's parents, siblings. good friends and the like. Your close ones are not going to be happy seeing you in a sad state of affairs. A family will always support its member, irrespective of the state he is in, and try to help him out in the tough situation. Luck doesn't usually impact one's personal life, but the person himself is capable of making a HUGE impact.

Come what may, trust yourself and know that people are on your side for support! There will be shortcomings. but surely there is light at the end of the tunnel!

A lot happens in life for one's good! Things that happen, happen for good! Things that don't happen, have not happened for the better... there are better things awaiting :)

Flower - Life

Oh flower!!!!
Though short-lived,
your life is a joyous one....
as a queen who rules,
the world for a day....
which is unachievable....
by anyone else.
Lingering on one's lips....
in the form of honey,
you make one's life sweet,
which is again....
possible by a very few.

Enjoy your life....
the short one....
Make someone's life sweet....
thus making your life meaningful....

(Some portions of this are inspired by the song 'Poova Poove'(oh flower) from Poovellaam Kaettupar(Ask all the flowers)).
Picture Courtesy: The flowers at the potluck at Dr. Antonia's place on 12th May 2007. :)