Jun 9, 2012

In search of myself

(Impulsive post. I am sure I'll be embarrassed when I read it after a few days/weeks/years) :-)

We change. In many ways. We change as a friend, as a son/daughter, as a significant other and in many other ways. Whether the change is for good or not, is something that’s unknown. There’s this thing, I miss the old me. How this change occurred is something that’s unknown to me. Was it me, the place, the people, or life as such? I am unable to pinpoint at one thing.

It’s interesting how you can relate to a song, especially with its lyrics, even though the meaning of the lyrics and the reason for you to relate to it needn’t necessarily have a connection or a common premise. I miss the old me, or rather an old part of me. And I don’t think I could have summarized it better than a few lines in this song. However narcissistic this might sound, considering the old me was a part of me, in fact my better half, is what I’ve come to believe. Running away from myself is something that’s probably happened.

thalaivaa sugama sugama? un thanimai sugama sugama?
How is your solitude doing?

sirumai kandu thavitthen en siragail ondrai muritthen, ottrai chiragil oona paravai etthanai dhooram parappen?
I ended up breaking one of my wings, and how far can I fly with just one wing?

anbae unnai veruththen, en arivai naane eriththen, uravin perumai pirivil kandu uyiril paadhi kuraindhen
I absolutely hated you and in the process burnt my intelligence, I realized the importance of relationships and lost half of my soul.

After all, vaazhkkai or vattam pol mudindha idatthil thodangadha, is surely what one wants, right? :-) (can life not start at an ending point like how a circle does?)

And nothing better than this to ask myself: Unn poigal ellaam sugamaa-aaa?  (Are your lies all fine?)

And does ‘Kuraigal ullathu manitha uravugal puriyadha?’ (aren’t human relationships allowed to be flawed?) answers it all. With respect to I, Me and Myself.

(These lines from Azhage Sugamaa and Anbe Sugamaa, two absolutely wonderful songs from the movie Paarthaale Paravasam. Sung by Sadhana Sargam and Srinivas and composed by A.R.Rahman)