Jun 29, 2010

What Women Want - A guy's perspective

(This Blog is an entry to the BlogAdda contest ‘What Women Want’ sponsored by Pringoo)

Mystic girl

Mystic girl
Mystery girl

If there is a question that even the creator of mankind would be baffled, it is probably this very one, ‘What Women Want!’ This is probably going to be the toughest thought process that I’ve ever undergone and would probably undergo in a while. The output has not been quite as expected, since a friend of mine, a woman, herself told, women themselves are not sure of what they actually want.

And, I am going to be taking extreme caution in wording this post, because I definitely do not want to earn of the wrath of the fairer sex, for this expression of my thought! But, with the explicit frankness in my way of expression, I’ve ended up in awkward situations quite often, and I can expect it to happen now as well.

I have made good friends with a few women/girls that I’ve interacted with in my life and of course my mother and sister are an integral part of my life, and hence have personally noted a few key points. Professionally as well, since my PhD advisor is a woman, I have been able to observe carefully what Women want in professional life too. However, it is indeed going to be hard for me (or for any guy) to really answer this question. I’d treat this subject from various points of view, as in ‘What Women Want’ from different aspects in life, and ‘What Women Really Want’.

What a Woman wants from her career is independence and self-esteem. Clichéd it may sound, since this is true in the case of a man too, but it is indeed true that a Woman who is a working professional certainly on the path towards independence, especially in a gender-biased society (not anymore!) like ours. In trying to prove her merit to her peers and superiors, she probably wants to prove she is as good as any man who would do the job. What can be a little disturbing in these cases at times, is that, there might not be any competition from the opposite sex; but still there is a competitive spirit and a ‘feel of being important’ that exists within a woman just for her to show her worth.

What a Woman wants from her family and siblings is unconditional love and support. Again, in the gender-dominated Indian society, girl child was not preferred a few decades ago. The reason for this being, the belief in parents that the son is going to care for the parents in old age and the high costs associated with marrying a daughter off. These beliefs have been broken and are no longer valid in today’s scenario. All that a girl needs these days is supportive backing in the form of basic education and moral support while she evolves to be an educated woman. There have been instances, where so-called dependable sons have disowned parents, and many a time, a daughter has come to the rescue of the parents. This unconditional love and support has quite often helped a Woman realize her career goals.

And, as a mother, the contribution of a Woman to the lives of her children is immense. Writing about the role of a woman as a mother, might fill up this entire blog. I briefly mention it, even though I understand that motherhood is an important phase in a Woman’s life. What a Woman wants from motherhood is a worthy contribution to mankind, a daughter or a son who will make her proud in the years to come, and her living a fruitful one.

The toughest part is to answer what a Woman wants from her personal life, or more specifically her partner. This is probably a question, the answer for which is not known to most women themselves. In trying to reach out to extra-terrestrial men, whose species are not found on earth any more, Women end up leaving out or rather ignoring the worthy mortals who might be able to make their lives together an memorable one. The amount of expectation that a Woman has from a man, to even consider him as a friend, let alone a significant other is quite complex. (I will not deny that men have comparable amount of expectations, though!) A Woman probably looking at a secure future would want a partner who is well settled in life, and probably placed in a respectable position. With this, what they also expect is good looks, hospital manners, and someone who respects their views and thoughts. A good combination this might actually sound, is probably only attributed to Rama of Ayodhya, who existed centuries ago. Hence affected by the harsh reality in the nature of guys, a girl may settle down for a compromise either in looks or in profession, the former being more common and with a hope of transforming a Mr. Okay to a Mr. Right. Also, a Woman doesn’t want to be viewed as an object of lust or attraction. However, they do want to be noted as a beautiful Woman. This would probably be possible, if a Woman is dignified and graceful in looks and attire, as opposed to the contrary these days.

In a lighter vein, Women do not want the ‘safe’ guy as a boy friend, but as a husband yes! If a guy is to qualify a boy friend, the guy must not be boring and a Woman will be willing to accept a lot of compromises in profession, looks or views, as long as the guy knows how to keep her happy.

Finally, what a Woman wants of herself is a question which a woman herself might have trouble answering. However, it might seem that a woman would definitely appreciate the following: a caring family that is supportive, a loving guy to spend the rest of her life with, a respectable career position that does a justice to her potential, and above all a life that when looked back at, should not be a cause of any repentance.


  1. It was an interesting post and quite thought-provoking as well. It's weird how men and women are wired differently, yet being humans at da most basic level. :-)

  2. Thanks Mrudula!
    Indeed, it is weird to note what the priorities of men and women are, and more importantly how distinct they are!

  3. Yeah.. :D. But if I could provide a revelation on a humourous note, you might want to read this:
    http://lb.vg/48J2c :-)

  4. interesting and thought-provoking at 2:08 a.m. - wow if i could think straight at that ungodly hour i would be pleased. i think u have expressed a lot of things about women - i think out of the two sexes we are the more down-to-earth, introspective, and calm but that's my perspective being a girl and i think u have shown that....thanks for writing this...it was a nice read b4 work! :)

  5. all i can say is.....i think this world has more women than men cause i truly believe we are of the superior sex. we think not only about the physical appearance of a guy (oh so important) but if he isn't that attractive, that's ok as long as his character is in tact and he is the most god-honest person out there. That's wht i look for in a bf. For a guy, from experience, they tend to only look into the girl's physical appearance and rate her 1 to 10, but when she is a good charactered person they tend to shy away from these types thinking that only their mothers would like this type of person. it's disheartening actually to see that guys would prefer a number 8 or 9 body over an honest girl.

  6. Good writing. You have worded so well that you cannot be pelted with stones:-) Here is my two cents:
    The key words are 'Attention' and 'Recognition' in a genuine way.
    Career: Recognize the woman for her work. If you want to suggest something..then recognize her first and slowly suggest improvements...she will do it, she wont take it the wrong way, she will work more and be happy too!
    Family: For example-appreciate her cooking..she will cook more and better and wont crib! At times, give her a helping hand, at least offer to help..That's all!
    Mother: She automatically does so many things but if the child recognizes her as he/she grows up, she will continue to do more and to future generations as well. (In this case, I think she really doesn't need recognition..love and respect for her will suffice)
    Personal: Its ok to say that she wants the best(everyone is like that irrespective of gender) but the highlight is that she is also the best at compromising. It would be such a compromise that it will be totally opposite to what she really wanted. But why did she make that compromise?? That's because the attention and the recognition melted her heart:-)She realized that what she is getting is even better than what she expected. That's when people say.."Never know what these women want"!!! When there was no one to care and speak to her, someone did it..and she is blown away by that! Someone stood up when she was sad, someone gave her company, someone supported her, encouraged her and appreciated her and that someone becomes special:)

    The problem starts when more people start appreciating her and she gets confused. She might start defining her needs better.

    All of what I said above is not totally true for all women but for most women!

  7. Majorly non-controversial, with the main part coming in the end. :D
    Still, appears quite honest, at least the way you've put it.
    But as the gender divide grows smaller & smaller, the distinction b/w what women & men want too grows smaller. But it will never be the same. Which is somewhat evident from what you yourself have said - a lot of things are quite generic and not necessarily gender-specific. But when it becomes gender-specific, there's high probability of that being interpreted as being chauvinistic and/or sexist. :)
    You've tread the safe path. :D

  8. Thanks, Ila. Being a night owl, some thoughts strike only post midnight :)
    Your thoughts about a guy rating a girl over physical appearance maybe generic, but there surely are exceptions :)

    Thanks, Pavithra. You actually summed up a few things, a guy might probably overlook. And I did the same too! This was from a girl's perspective and this is exactly what men need to know.

    @Kaushik - the main part was originally meant to be the main premise, but I didn't bother to make it controversial. After all, as a guy, I shouldn't just rant about women and their choices :) Thanks for your input!

  9. Nice one viju.....
    "In trying to reach out to extra-terrestrial men, whose species are not found on earth any more, Women end up leaving out or rather ignoring the worthy mortals who might be able to make their lives together an memorable one."
    This is so very true.... though i hate to accept it :)

  10. Hey Viju,

    Just poratifying your old posts.Good read :) and easy ah escape aagita


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